Unconsummated Marriages: How To Overcome Intimacy Barriers Naturally | File Pic (Representative Image)
I am 31, married since a year, but still unable to have proper sex. We want a pregnancy but do not want to go for infertility treatment. What should I do?
Unfortunately, unconsummated marriage is not uncommon. The most common reasons for men are performance anxiety, premature ejaculation and erection issues. A young man may wrongly diagnose himself with ED as he is unable to consummate in spite of a good erection while masturbating.
In females: fear of hymen tear, pain and vaginismus, the condition in which spasm of the vaginal muscles prevents the entry of the penis into the vagina. The couple is unable to figure out why sex is not happening. Most couples enter into an avoidance mechanism due to repeated failure. If this condition is left unattended, and you want a baby, you will be led by a gynaecologist for infertility treatment.
Let us agree upon one fact: infertility treatments are for those who are not fertile, not for those who cannot consummate. The role of sexologists in the treatment of unconsummated marriage is very crucial. We doctors take a detailed history of the couple and identify the root cause. Psycho-sexual therapeutic counselling is of utmost importance. Here, individual doubts and fears are addressed with great delicacy and corrected with the right knowledge. Lastly, they consummate the marriage and pregnancy is on the way.
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I am a 26-year-old woman looking for a life partner. I wish to ensure that my would-be husband does not have any venereal disease. Can I ask for a medical report from him? — D E, Colaba
Oh yes, it is a wise thought. Premarital screening for venereal disease is a dire need today. On behalf of all medical practitioners, I would recommend a premarital check-up for STDs and blood disorders too, as parents match kundali for marriage. It includes HIV test, VDRL test, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C screening, gonorrhoea and others. It must ideally be done three to four months prior to marriage. It is good for both of you. Get it done together in the same laboratory to avoid doubts. It ensures transparency in relationships too.
I am a 32-year-old man. I have had a history of epilepsy which is now under control. Will this affect my married life? — G M, Chandivali
Everyone deserves a healthy sex life, which is a natural brain tonic. Epilepsy does affect sexual life. However, the intensity depends on the type you are dealing with and the medications you are taking. A happy and satisfying sex life leads to the release of happy hormones, which help in decreasing anxiety and stress, emotional triggers of epilepsy, thus both go hand in hand. However, a supportive partner is of utmost importance and must be educated about the condition.
So, talk to your partner openly without hesitation or fear of rejection. Men face issues in erection and low mood. So, discuss with your doctor, as antiseizure medicines have side effects affecting desire and orgasmic response. He can help you by changing medicines. Break your silence and visit a sexologist with your partner, who will guide you with the right medicines which will not interfere with your anti-seizure medicines, for a healthy erection and better sex life. Couple therapy opens closed doors with easy solutions.
Dr Hetal Gosalia, Samadhan Health Studio. Queries may be sent to fpj.sexmatters@gmail.com
